Is it better to be alone?????
There are some days in our life when we will feel the loneliness like never before. A whole crowd will move along with you but still something will stop you from feel them, as you will be lost in your thoughts. Nothing matters much to you, you will be doing the needed things but will not in a state of awareness of whether you are doing that or not. And the above said loneliness will happen when you are in extreme happiness even when you are in extreme sadness. Last Saturday is one such day where lots of thoughts were crossing and playing in my mind and I walked like never before and paining legs?… what is that? I didn’t felt that all. I am in no hurry.
As I have already said that, we were going to have our get-together on January 17th, I have waited for the day with an eagerness to meet my friends and have fun with them. We planned to go to Queensland after toying with many places. The reason we have zeroed in Queensland is until January 15th as many of them were not sure of coming. At last by Friday night some 10 members were confirmed their presence. 10 out of 65 members for get together… great isn’t it? After planning for some 20 days 10 of them said ok. I know some of the friends will not be able to come due to some unavoidable situations and reasons. We informed everybody to come to Koyambedu bus stop by 10.A.M.
Now the D-day, I got up only by 7.30 so I hurriedly started and get out of the home by 8.30 after having breakfast. After catching the bus, I started to call everybody who has said they will be coming. Only 2 of my friends were started from home and others were still sitting or sleeping in their home. I don’t know what they have expected. Whether they wanted us to go to their home and ask them to come. By 9.45, I have reached Koyambedu just to have the shocking picture of seeing only 2 of my friends, who are also happened to be my colleagues. Another person who was just ready to come was another friend-cum-colleague. When we called some friends they are just woke up and said oh! Sorry… I am a bit tired and slept. We will be starting now and will be there by 12. As one of my friends standing there was already furious with the response he said ‘no need for everybody to come and waste the money. Ask them to stay in their home itself.‘ See only 4 (and yeah 5th member was getting ready) were ready and all of us were working in same company. We are in a position to meet each other daily and again the same 4 faces met. A bit irony.
Their sleep has shown that how they are enthusiastic about our togetherness. Its better to leave them and go ahead. When I said it both of my friends with me said it’s not worth to go there without some 10 members. Else we couldn’t enjoy that. We then started to discuss about where else we can go. But as the films were crap we decided to go home. But I didn’t in a mood to go to my home as I have already said that I am going to Queensland. I went to one of my friend’s home nearby Koyambedu and stayed till evening. Anyway we had nice chat with each other and shared some good times on that day. In the evening, we decided to call one of our friend’s(Call him as R) brother number. His brother has picked the phone. Here goes the conversation:
Me : Hello
R’s Bro : Hello…. who are you?
Me : I am Kanagaraj. R’s friend. Is he there?
R’s Bro : (Suddenly he started to talk in telugu and again talked in tamil) Tell me what do you want? You are right.
Me : Is R is there?
I again insisted.
R’s Bro : (Again some telugu, then Tamil) You are talking correctly yaar.
And from the back, R’s voice to his bro said, “Correct. Correct. Keep talking” without wasting a second I pressed my end call button.
I am not furious in the morning. But this incident heavily affected me and all sorts of things kept coming into my mind. I am very much furious with all my friends. I began to think about the reasons they have given:
I have to sleep as I have shifts. Will you be not able to awake for one day? How many nights we have studied for exams without sleeping.
There are others who said that so and so was not coming, so I am not coming. It is the hell of the reason I should say. If we want something we have to go. Are you not going to jobs or your family tours without him or her?
And somebody didn’t came and just sit at home like above one I said. And those are the members who have talked much about togetherness and took part actively in college tour. See how the 20 months changed the characters of them and still they are justifying their acts.
What really made me sad is, they just considered this as some personal functions or something and they are expecting our call for confirmation of place and everything. They are not even called us back. And those guys will expect all of their college mates in their marriages. There lies the irony. There is also another truth I have heard, which made me to think how much a fool I am.
By 5, we started to go to trade fair and we reached there by 5.45. Waited until 7 and didn’t entered due to some unavoidable reasons. Then I have started to walk back from there to Central. Really a long walk back of my life. Nothing mattered to me much. I am completely lost for believing somebody who just makes fun of me.
Then in the night I had a long conversation with one of my close friend, he said this is not the time to have get-together. As everybody have to settle in, you must have arranged after some 4 years. I couldn’t get the meaning of his words, somebody who is sitting in home will come then also. I am not impressed with his arguments. If somebody wants to come he will come in any situation. If they have to find the reasons then there are heck lot of them.
I am now lost all my trust on many of college friends. And now I am thinking that there is no need to be good to everybody. At some persons I have to be ignorant. A lesson I have learnt but in a harder way. I have stopped making calls to them and I feel like alienated. Anyway this is for good only. There is no need to have ‘friends’ just in the name of friends.
Sorry friends for this horrible, energy sapping post. Don’t get depressed. I haven’t get any medium to express myself. I have called some of my friends who didn’t came, but they didn’t said any reason for not coming and they are not even want to speak about it. So I written about that here. Don’t know I am right or wrong in my decisions. Correct me if I am wrong in the above consequences.
Note: I loved write about my class get-together with the photos of my friends and our enjoyment but everything went wrong on that day and this is the result.