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Is it better to be alone?????

January 22, 2009

            leave_me_alone_1  There are some days in our life when we will feel the loneliness like never before. A whole crowd will move along with you but still something will stop you from feel them, as you will be lost in your thoughts. Nothing matters much to you, you will be doing the needed things but will not in a state of awareness of whether you are doing that or not. And the above said loneliness will happen when you are in extreme happiness even when you are in extreme sadness. Last Saturday is one such day where lots of thoughts were crossing and playing in my mind and I walked like never before and paining legs?… what is that? I didn’t felt that all. I am in no hurry.

                  As I have already said that, we were going to have our get-together on January 17th, I have waited for the day with an eagerness to meet my friends and have fun with them. We planned to go to Queensland after toying with many places. The reason we have zeroed in Queensland is until January 15th as many of them were not sure of coming. At last by Friday night some 10 members were confirmed their presence. 10 out of 65 members for get together… great isn’t it? After planning for some 20 days 10 of them said ok. I know some of the friends will not be able to come due to some unavoidable situations and reasons. We informed everybody to come to Koyambedu bus stop by 10.A.M.

               Now the D-day, I got up only by 7.30 so I hurriedly started and get out of the home by 8.30 after having breakfast. After catching the bus, I started to call everybody who has said they will be coming. Only 2 of my friends were started from home and others were still sitting or sleeping in their home. I don’t know what they have expected. Whether they wanted us to go to their home and ask them to come. By 9.45, I have reached Koyambedu just to have the shocking picture of seeing only 2 of my friends, who are also happened to be my colleagues. Another person who was just ready to come was another friend-cum-colleague. When we called some friends they are just woke up and said oh! Sorry… I am a bit tired and slept. We will be starting now and will be there by 12. As one of my friends standing there was already furious with the response he said ‘no need for everybody to come and waste the money. Ask them to stay in their home itself.‘ See only 4 (and yeah 5th member was getting ready) were ready and all of us were working in same company. We are in a position to meet each other daily and again the same 4 faces met. A bit irony.

                 Their sleep has shown that how they are enthusiastic about our togetherness. Its better to leave them and go ahead. When I said it both of my friends with me said it’s not worth to go there without some 10 members. Else we couldn’t enjoy that. We then started to discuss about where else we can go. But as the films were crap we decided to go home. But I didn’t in a mood to go to my home as I have already said that I am going to Queensland. I went to one of my friend’s home nearby Koyambedu and stayed till evening. Anyway we had nice chat with each other and shared some good times on that day. In the evening, we decided to call one of our friend’s(Call him as R) brother number. His brother has picked the phone. Here goes the conversation:

Me             :  Hello

R’s Bro     :  Hello…. who are you?

Me             :  I am Kanagaraj. R’s friend. Is he there?

R’s Bro     :  (Suddenly he started to talk in telugu and again talked in tamil) Tell me what do you want? You are right.

Me            :  Is R is there?   

I again insisted.

R’s Bro    :  (Again some telugu, then Tamil) You are talking correctly yaar.

And from the back, R’s voice to his bro  said, “Correct. Correct. Keep talking” without wasting a second I pressed my end call button.

         I am not furious in the morning. But this incident heavily affected me and all sorts of things kept coming into my mind. I am very much furious with all my friends. I began to think about the reasons they have given:

  • I have to sleep as I have shifts. Will you be not able to awake for one day? How many nights we have studied for exams without sleeping.
  • There are others who said that so and so was not coming, so I am not coming. It is the hell of the reason I should say. If we want something we have to go. Are you not going to jobs or your family tours without him or her?
  • And somebody didn’t came and just sit at home like above one I said. And those are the members who have talked much about togetherness and took part actively in college tour. See how the 20 months changed the characters of them and still they are justifying their acts.

        What really made me sad is, they just considered this as some personal functions or something and they are expecting our call for confirmation of place and everything. They are not even called us back. And those guys will expect all of their college mates in their marriages. There lies the irony. There is also another truth I have heard, which made me to think how much a fool I am.

      By 5, we started to go to trade fair and we reached there by 5.45. Waited until 7 and didn’t entered due to some unavoidable reasons. Then I have started to walk back from there to Central. Really a long walk back of my life. Nothing mattered to me much. I am completely lost for believing somebody who just makes fun of me.

     Then in the night I had a long conversation with one of my close friend, he said this is not the time to have get-together. As everybody have to settle in, you must have arranged after some 4 years. I couldn’t get the meaning of his words, somebody who is sitting in home will come then also. I am not impressed with his arguments. If somebody wants to come he will come in any situation. If they have to find the reasons then there are heck lot of them.

       I am now lost all my trust on many of college friends. And now I am thinking that there is no need to be good to everybody. At some persons I have to be ignorant. A lesson I have learnt but in a harder way. I have stopped making calls to them and I feel like alienated. Anyway this is for good only. There is no need to have ‘friends’ just in the name of friends.

     Sorry friends for this horrible, energy sapping post. Don’t get depressed. I haven’t get any medium to express myself. I have called some of my friends who didn’t came, but they didn’t said any reason for not coming and they are not even want to speak about it. So I written about that here. Don’t know I am right or wrong in my decisions. Correct me if I am wrong in the above consequences. 

Note: I loved write about my class get-together with the photos of my friends and our enjoyment but everything went wrong on that day and this is the result.

20 Comments leave one →
  1. January 22, 2009 10:38 pm

    Hmmm…a bad experience indeed…the least your friends could have done is to have informed you if they could not come…but don’t lose heart, my friend 🙂

    kanagu: One of the worst day in my life I could say 😦 Thanks raj 🙂

  2. January 22, 2009 11:08 pm

    @ Kanagu : When we have expectations from other people we are often laying the brickwork to the road of disappointment. If your friends did not want to go along with you they should have refused you. Oh and you should also have sensed their unwillingness as well. I can just say this, you need to have fun even when you are by yourself. If you do not enjoy your own company, how can you be fun company to others? So just be self reliant and do whatever you want to do. As for the guy whose brother talked with you on the phone, I would drop him from my future invitee list 🙂

    kanagu: Thats why now-a-days I am not waiting for anyone to do something. And also when we arrange a get-together we have to expect somebody to come right.. thats what I did.. And for that R I will no more call him as my friend 🙂

  3. January 23, 2009 5:29 am

    Thats bad. But do not feel disheartened. Next time you know for sure the people who are going to be with you, rt? and Im sure your friends wouldve felt bad too for treating you that way. So chillaax !

    Btw, im blogrolling you !

    kanagu: I have learnt that now.. no need for me to keep the expectation at high hereafter.. 🙂
    And thanks for blogrolling me.. I am honoured 🙂

  4. January 23, 2009 9:48 am

    All I’ll say is that college life is very different form the professional life we lead. Whatever promises we make at that point of time are in the heat of that frenship ki moment and very few people will remain the way they were. Priorities change and it is incidents like these who tell you who ur real frenz are so instead of being disheartened be happy. Bas u don’t change 🙂

    kanagu: Thats real Smita.. we tend to see the real faces of the people now 😦
    Thank you 🙂

  5. Chirag permalink
    January 23, 2009 11:37 am

    I think you need a dose of Ayn Rand – Fountainhead and A beer 😀 . Its ok, we should start accepting people and situations as they are and we’ll be happier won’t we???

    Good thing is you took it out of, keeping it in is even better.

    BTW, if you visit my blog today you’ll surely smile.

    kanagu: That books 1000 pages frightens me, so as the beer as I never tasted it 😦

  6. January 23, 2009 2:09 pm

    Kanagu, dont be upset…sich things happen and it is much more important that people meet with an open heart than they feel oblijed to meet!
    May be in some years, when everyone has some achievements to to show 🙂

    I had some positive experiences of meeting old university mates, but we met first after 5 years – and the feeling was like we never parted…

    kanagu: I am not expected everybody Axinia.. but somebody who were promised and who are good now.. but as you said in 5 years this may change.. and I am waiting for that.. but not with much eager..
    Thanks Axinia 🙂

  7. January 23, 2009 3:23 pm

    Well, I can understand… Must feel horrible. But as someone who has always felt comfortable treading the I Walk Alone path, it doesn’t irk me too much.

    Time can do so many things…

    Cheer up. Life has a lot of wonderful things too. Remember – may be he does not deserve someone like you. Period.

    Take care.


    And welcome aboard Jagruti. Feel free to ask around if you need any help/clarification.

    Do drop by my blog sometime. Cos, my last update was not a poem. 😉


    kanagu: Yeah.. walk alone is better and now I am slowly into it… and I visited your blog right.. 🙂

  8. January 23, 2009 6:21 pm

    Ah, boy.. don’t be so depressed. Happens.. If friends do not appear, it ain’t such a big deal, but if they do now wish to talk about it and do not give any reasons for it then it’s a big deal and they ain’t worth being friends.

    kanagu: Welcome here Oxy 🙂
    Same things crossed my mind on that day Oxy 😦

  9. January 23, 2009 11:52 pm

    Thanking everyone for making me feel better 🙂 Thanks again 🙂

  10. January 24, 2009 4:30 am

    Kanagu, Work life is quite different from college life. May be they really were disinterested and tired to come for the trip that day but yes! they could have told you before. Basic courtesy like RSVPing or returning a phone call are some things which I haven’t seen many Indians giving importance to. They just take too many things for granted.

    Another thing I would say is that don’t impose. Don’t try too hard. If you give them space they will come along.

    Now cheer and may be make a plan with couple of your close friends.

    kanagu: Welcome here Solilo 🙂
    Thanks Solilo was that wonderful insight.. and for the last line, I have already started to make plans 😀

  11. January 24, 2009 6:16 am

    hey Kanagu,
    I go one step ahead of Chirag….
    you dont need ayn rand… just the beer, lots of it….
    things will always work out dude for the best…

    kanagu: Beer is a very alien thing to me.. give me food.. i will have tons of them.. 🙂
    Thanks Ajit 🙂

  12. January 25, 2009 1:54 am

    Kanagu…..I am really feeling bad that i came hrere late!!

    I felt really sad reading your experience!! I understand completely how it feels ! when I went to India in dec, I was jumping with joy that i will meet my college friends…I met them but according to their schedule….i was the one who had less time at home, in that short time if i roam around, my mom n bro wud obviously feel bad wont they?? But I dint feel bad, i just took it the way it came! and next time i wud be careful enough to be firm on my decisions also just like they were! One friend even promised me 2 come but never came 2 see me! n hes my best friend!!

    Guess, as ur other friend said, it takes time for ppl to settle down! and its quite natural for one to become busy with something else! and one thing I learned from this incident when i went home is “DONT expect people to think like you!”

    If they are ur best friends, they will be back soon Kanagu! So my dear friend, just keep smiling 🙂

    I understand your frustration and i myself experience that sometimes…and the best thing i do to come out of that is do something i like :)!

    kanagu: Thanks Sahaja for those kind words.. but I am just seeing people who were changed with a year or 2 and I couldn’t believe it. The best thing will be to take it as it comes 🙂
    And no need to feel bad.. my friend 🙂

  13. January 25, 2009 10:25 am

    Hey Kanagu,don’t be upset..This happens to all of us at some point of life..I can relate to your experiene..But i ahve tried my bestt not to put down myself for somebody else’s mistake..It is their problem that they don’t value your time and care..Forget the incident..

    And yeah,be glad that you ahve more than 10 friends who visit your blog regulary,who come here bcoz you are being remembered 🙂 And what is more great than having great friends whom you haven’t even met in your life!!

    Have a great day ahead…

    kanagu: Thats what keep me running these days as you can see 4 posts after that day.. I love being a friend with you all.. I have forgotten the incident but couldn’t forget some people who made the mess 😦
    Thanks Nimmy 🙂

  14. January 25, 2009 12:35 pm

    I am very selective when it comes to friends. I have a few, but good friends. One such friend went to US immediately after college and returned recently. I went to meet him, and all he had to say was ‘how bad India was’. I was actually expecting something on ‘how good the US is’ but none of that came during the discussion. So, I was just listening. And after some time, he started talking about certain irrelevant things which were hurting. I asked him what I was supposed to reply to those supposedly ‘questions’, and he said ‘just keep quite and keep blinking’. That was it. I left. Thinking back, there was this element of ‘I had undergone all these questions, and hence I am imposing them on you’ element. So, when friends react in certain ways which you don’t expect, do understand that they could have been through a lot of ‘unexpected’ situations and they are just taking you for granted, because they know you very well. And, it won’t get better after 5-6 years.

    Destination Infinity

    kanagu: Thanks DI for those insightful comments with a real life situation.. I could understand that it is all over the world and I am not the only one who suffered. And I will make sure that nobody suffers because of me.. 🙂

  15. January 25, 2009 3:23 pm

    Hey… take heart in the fact that you had 20 friends that you thought you could count on – things change as time passes and am sure one day they’d too want to reach out to you. Take care and keep the faith…

    kanagu: Welcome here, Sanghamitra 🙂
    Thanks for those supportive comments 🙂

  16. Chirag permalink
    January 27, 2009 11:06 am

    Start reading it and you won’t put it down for anything. As for beer 🙂 try it.

    kanagu: Beer.. thats too tough man… it doesn’t smells good.. 😐
    and I will try that book.. 🙂

  17. January 27, 2009 3:38 pm

    Hey..dont spoil your spirits for smethng that smeone else did!.. Bad for them that they couldnt njoy the spirit of travel & togetherness..just let urself down ok..cheer up!

    kanagu: Yeah.. that what crossing my mind now… why I should feel bad for others mistakes… thanks Verbi 🙂

  18. January 27, 2009 10:06 pm

    Thats the irony of life.. felt bad after reading it but trust me loss is all their’s.. coz what I feel is, one who can not understand the meaning of friendship and friends needs pity not hate so cheer up.. not a good idea to spoil the mood for such people :)) and to be honest, dont get deserted… just be neutral.. thats it 🙂

    kanagu: welcome here ST 🙂
    Thanks for those nice insights… like to have your next visit soon 🙂

  19. January 27, 2009 10:52 pm

    First thing first, don’t have expectations from anyone till they prove themselves worthy of it. That is the key to happiness!! 🙂

    kanagu: That’s true Amit… Now I have learned it 🙂

  20. February 4, 2009 9:27 pm

    Its really worrying incident… When reading this, i could feel a lump in my chest how it wud be for you being the subject?? As i had mentioned in my post FRIENDSHIP changes for your envi.. u could gt thru my friendship series if bogged down in life!!!

    kanagu: Welcome back Karthik 🙂
    I have to read your series.. I am not finding time for that Karthik.. But surely I will read it 🙂

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