Some(Many) problems with A.M
There are few practices in our country which makes me to think that are they mad in creating such practices or their followers made a real mess of it while following it. I am really furious with the way our arranged marriages are happening.
Before I could say my concerns on this let us see the various process involved in it:
- Once the parents decides that their son/daughter were ready for the marriage they will start searching for suitable bride/bridegroom for them through various means(registering in sites, brokers, their kiths and kins, etc..)
- They will get the photos and from that they will first select them. They will ask about the family through various persons and then they will call up the bride/bridegroom’s parents(I think mostly the call will be from boy’s side) and explain their willingness.
- First hurdle: One fine day, some members from boy’s side(sometimes with the boy) will go to girl’s house to see her(not to mention eating Bhajji’s & coffee/tea). So by what they have seen they will come back to discuss about whether the girl was suitable for their family(!!!!!) and the same discussion will go on in girl’s house(most of the times the opinion of the girl will never be heard).
- Second hurdle: After the mutual likeness between both the boy and girl’s house, they will go for horoscope match to see whether the planets of both of them working properly and mutually understanding. If it is not, they will drop there itself and go for the next one.
- Third hurdle: So now the horoscopes are matched and boy’s side important relatives will go to girl’s home to speak about how much they will give(in terms of gold soverigns, money and things). Boy’s side will start from higher side and girl’s side from lower side. (More than boy’s parents, their relatives will be more keen to talk about this and advise boy’s parents that you must ask this much… ‘do you know their DIL has brought this much to their home and is our boy is inferior.. or our family… we should not accept anything below this.’) If it crosses this one, then half the problem is over.
- Fourth hurdle: After this there will be much less hurdle as the talk will be only on how they are going to divide the expenses of marriage and the planning will go on. Only a big difference in opinion can stop the marriage now.
- So if all the hurdles are passed the marriage will happen successfully.
So that’s how the procedure goes on, I think. Here are my concerns on that:
As always, I will question the practice of getting dowry from the girl’s parents. I don’t know how the boy’s side goes and begs for some amount of money from girl’s parents to take care of her. If the boy was not able to take care of her, no need for marriage and all. And I will also blame the girl’s parents for giving willingly. But this is such a bad thing that somehow came into practice and ruined the life of many girls(I need a separate post to say my view on this).
I never liked the thought of girls standing in front of some unknown people so that they can rate her on how she will fit into their family. Just think of the thoughts going through her when somebody rejects her for some reason. As expected, girls will be blamed for this also(other’s decision).
Now comes the most important thing which came to my thought… now-a-days everybody were having their cellphones so once the parents decides to go to bride’s home o see her, both the girl and boy starts conversing over the phone thinking that he/she was his/her wife/husband. As they keep on talking some kind of closeness will be between them now. In this background, parents of both the sides will be matching the horoscopes, go on to talk about dowry and will be enquiring about the girl/boy family. So if some misunderstanding creeps in means they will ready to broke and start searching for another. But what will happen if the boy and girl understood each other in the mean time very well and the deal for marriage brokes out. They might have told to their friends about their mariage happenings and all. So they will be devasted, when they hear this from their parents and they will have a hard time in telling the details to their friends, even though they will understand it. But they will be affected mentally by this.
I don’t know how they can overcome this. And I am thinking that this will be a serious problem.
P.S. : Don’t say that parents are changed and this are all very unlikely to happen. This is about the whole India and not the city we are living in.
P.S.2: HP Update: I have completed the 3rd book Prisoner of Azkaban and off to the 4th one Goblet of Fire 🙂